The conversation started off polite, we talked about our shared excitement on going to Cornell. We weren't really looking forward to all the work, but definitely ready to leave home and be independent for once. We connected on our common background, protective Asian parents that expected straight A's and what do you know, we both love partying and hanging out with friends too! Wow, this was too great! Who would ever guess that I would meet another guy who was smart, Asian, loved hanging out with friends and going to Cornell! As time went on we constantly IM'ed each other and talked about whatever was on our minds. Eventually, we exchanged numbers too. I absolutely loved to talk and he seemed to love listening to me talk. I made sure never to reveal too much about my past though, didn't want to scare the guy away. Things were going great though and orientation was going to start soon! We could not wait to meet each other and...
McKenna's Relationship Facilitation Factors:
Interactional Control- We control what people know about us and use self-presentational tactics to preserve our appearance. If we're good at synchronous chat we will choose to do so because it also shows the positive about us.During my interaction with this guy I always made sure to be careful about how much information I shared. I did not want him to think I was this crazy Asian girl who liked to party just a little too much. Also, I did not want him to know about some of my past relationship experiences because I was afraid he would think less of me. I even found myself editing my facebook because I knew that was how he found me, so I wanted to present the best me. I really enjoy talking on the phone and I think it's a great way to show off my personality and warmth, so I always told him to call me if he got the chance. I was definitely controlling what he knew about me through self-presentational tactics and it seemed to work, so I continued to do it.
Connecting to Similar Others- Based on the common ground principle, it is easy for us to identify with people who share the same similar interests and experiences as ourselves.
I know that one of the reasons I enjoyed talking to him so much was that I had never actually spoken to another Asian guy who was not a relative. Also, since we could only talk about so much, our conversation always seemed to lead back to our similar interests and we ignored the comments we made about dissimilar tastes. The fact that we were talking online made it easy to switch topics versus face to face where sometimes it's awkward to do such a change. Our relationship seemed to progress based on the few things we knew about each other, but they were things we shared in common so I thought this must mean we have a lot of other things in common too.
...yeah, things were much better in our computer mediated world than face to face. After orientation week we never talked or saw each other again. I think it had something to do with the fact that he was much more shy and reserved in person (There must have been a removal of gating features, i.e. shyness, on his part.) and I was much more outgoing. Our personalities seemed to clash once the screen and phone disappeared. I guess online relationships sometimes stay online for a reason!
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