Everyone has that one guy or girl that they’ve had a history with that always lingers around in their lives. That person for me is Mikey, my ex-boyfriend whom I dated throughout all four years of high school. During the summer following senior year, we decided to break up because we were going to be in very different places as he was going to be in UMass and I in Israel, because I deferred for a year. It initially was awkward speaking to him after we broke up for a multiple of reasons (including his short fling with another girl), resulting in a short period of time with extremely limited interaction. However, over the course of the year, we both realized how much we missed our closeness and subsequently attempted to rebuild our friendship through mediated communication. We occasionally used email, AIM and Facebook, but the majority of our interaction stemmed from speaking on the phone at least once a week, despite the seven-hour time difference.
One of the main reasons I really valued my friendship with Mikey was due to the fact that I felt so at ease with him. A crucial step that we needed to take to become friends again was to reestablish that sense of comfort and the ability to let our guard down around each other. This was attainable when each of us revealed a new embarrassing story or previously unknown facets of our personalities. One of McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors, Identifiability, highlights the importance of self-disclosure in relationship development. Even though I was clearly identifiable to him, I found myself divulging things to him that I didn’t dare tell my closest friends who I saw everyday because of the visual anonymity I was able to enjoy on the phone (as described by Joinson).
As in any long-term relationship, we had many mutual interests, beliefs and friends. Many of our conversations included the usage of quotes form our favorite movies and filling each other in on humorous stories that happened with friends from home. These elements of shared interests and assumptions in the Common Ground principle (as identified by Wallace) and the concept of attraction stemming from when we connect to similar others (as described by McKenna) were key to our relationship as they were the reasons that brought us together in the first place. Furthermore, when he took a considerable interest in a cause that I’m particularly passionate about, there was suddenly more of an allure to him. From my experience, I can attest to the fact these factors enhance the attraction in relationships because we slowly went from rebuilding our friendship to relapsing back into our relationship. Not surprisingly, by the second week after returning from Israel, I was basically back together with him.
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Hi Hannah,
Good job with this blogging assignment! I found your experience very interesting and enjoyable to read. Isn’t it amazing how distance can actually bring two people closer? I find it funny how a majority of society is quick to assume that distance will hurt a relationship and eventually be the reason a relationship will end. However, as in your situation, it can actually have the opposite effect. I like how your blog highlights the fact that though you and Mikey experienced the break up and were so far apart from each other, you both still longed to be close. By relating the situation to McKenna’s factors and theories presented by Wallace, you then went on to explain how telephone conversations (and a few CMCs) aided in rebuilding the gaps in your relationship. I particularly like how you described the fact that you and Mikey were able to divulge personal and/or embarrassing stories to each other. Was this done primarily over the phone or in CMC? Did the communication medium used impact the type of conversation and its content?
Over all, I really enjoyed your blog and was able to relate it to a particular experience in my past. Good job!
-Josh Navarro
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