One of the reasons it was difficult for me to leave home for the first time three years ago when I came to Cornell other than leaving my family, was that I was also leaving my best friend, Paige, behind. Because she is a year younger than me, she was not going through the same experience I was; going to college, going to a new school for the first time (I went to the same school from kindergarten through senior year), and meeting new people. I would not be seeing my best friend everyday, going to school with her, seeing her in the halls, playing tennis with her, and going out to dinner with her. Life was going to be very different. Although we talked everyday at school in person, we also talked either on the phone or through instant messaging on AIM whenever one of us was bored; that’s what best friends are for.
Now that I was a freshman at Cornell and she was still back in Chicago, I thought that we would slowly grow apart. I didn’t think that we would talk as much or tell each other as much about our lives because she would have no idea what I was talking about and I’ve already been through what she’s going through, senior year. However, I found the exact opposite to be true. One of McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors, identifiability demonstrates the importance of disclosing information about oneself. We are clearly identifiable to one another which, according to McKenna, leads to an increase in self-disclosure and thus an increase in relationship development; however, I found myself revealing things to her that I did not reveal to my friends at Cornell that I saw every day. I still talk to her almost every day either through instant messaging or on the phone when we both have the time. We are both displaying uninhibited behavior. Now that she goes to Colgate, it is a little more difficult to find a time when both of us can sit down and have a long conversation.
Another relationship facilitation factor that McKenna reveals is connecting to similar others, the common ground principle. It is easy to identify with and connect to people with similar interests as our own, hence the saying, “birds of a feather flock together.” Paige and I grew up together, went to the same school, had similar friends in high school, and have very similar personalities. It is therefore very easy for the two of us to get along, even though we do not go to the same school any more. As of this past weekend, I hadn’t seen Paige since the beginning of July because I spent my summer in New York. All of a sudden, as I was waiting in the security line at Syracuse airport waiting to get on a plane to go home, I heard someone call out my name. It turns out she was going home as well for the holiday weekend. After the hug that probably scared half of the airport, we walked and talked like we saw each other yesterday. Any long distance relationship is hard, but if you keep your friendship building, connect to others and develop relationships, it is sometimes easy to maintain those long distance relationships.
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Hey. I can relate to your experience with your friend, except my situation turned out opposite. I had a very close friend from home and we went to middle school and high school together, but we ended up at different colleges. Just like you, at first we talked a lot through phone and instant messaging, but as time went on, that became less and less frequent. With the prolonged distance between us, the frequency of interactions decreased and we lost touch. Not to be stereotypical, but I wonder if gender played a role into how both of our situations turned out. Personally, being a guy I am not a big phone-talker or instant messenger, but experience tells me girls like talking on the phone. McKenna’s identifiability seemed to save your friendship, while the lack of common ground made mine deteriorate.
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