Last week, Professor Hancock asked us how many members of our class began a relationship with someone online that eventually moved face-to-face. Initially, I scoffed at the question and thought to myself "What's the point of beginning a relationship with someone online?" Then, I realized that my current boyfriend and I actually DID initially meet in CMC.
We found each other in a Myspace group that was dedicated to accepted members of Cornell's class of 2010 during our senior year of high school. We exchanged screen names, added each other as friends on Facebook, and eventually exchanged numbers (though we never actually spoke on the phone until much later). These interactions, mostly on AIM, built the foundation of our relationship by allowing us to discuss our common interests (mostly movies and football), and debate about things about which we did not hold similar views at the time. We kept CMC as our primary contact method until half way through orientation week, when we decided to meet for lunch.
After our first face to face meeting, my boyfriend's and my relationship was adjusted so that we left virtuality (with the exception of summer and other breaks when he is in Massachusettes and I am in Georgia). Our experience is consistant with Beager and Calabrese's Uncertainty Reduction Theory. Their theory states that the reduction of uncertainty leads to affinity or attraction. More information leads to increased liking and intimacy. Though I had seen enough photos of my boyfriend while our relationship was only online to know that he is an attractive person, I was not certain that I would be attracted to his offline personality, which might not have been as interesting or fun-loving. He and I immediately clicked in the online world, but my experience with other Cornell students who I had first met online told me that I might not always be compatible with those same people face to face. Even after over a year of dating, my boyfriend and I are still "reducing uncertainty." To this day, we are still increasingly attracted to each other as we learn more about each other.
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2 comments:
I thought it was great how you described a relationship that was clearly very successful even after switching modalities in addition to other relationships that were unsuccessful once you arrived at Cornell and actually met in person. This represents an excellent example of the uncertainty reduction theory, as you described in that when uncertainty is reduced, there is a positive outcome as there was in your relationship. It also seems like your relationship formation parallels well with the Social Information Processing Model (SIP) in that you adapted well to the verbal channel and that with time, it was almost equivalent to a face to face form of communication. Since you seemed to have a very good grasp on your boyfriend's personality and your interest in him prior to meeting in person, social information processing theory may have also played a role as meeting in person was just an addition to your existing good relationship online.
I scoffed too when Prof. Hancock mentioned it, but these days I should have learned to expect anything. Though your case is not too bizarre, it is a prime example of that fact.
I actually know people who met first through the Cornell forums/groups, but it never really crossed my mind to be "CMC". I actually have a close friend who met through a Cornell group too (they broke up so it's not applicable to your situation).
I agree your model follows the URT! Uncertainty was definitely reduced. I'm not sure if i agree with the person above in regards to SIP because it seemed most of your time was spent through FtF. Though how long of time is needed for SIP to be applicable is ambiguous.
Great post!
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