At the beginning of my senior year in high school, I finally managed to win the heart of the girl of my dreams. I had been pining after her for over a year, so when we decided to start a romantic relationship, I was thrilled. All of Wallace’s attraction factors came into play in the beginning of this relationship. I was physically attracted to her, and I spent literally almost all of my time with her, during and after school. We had plenty of common ground, as we shared the same group of friends and hung out together all the time before we were dating anyway. As we were used to spending so much time together already, disinhibition effects rapidly took place, and we engaged in the deepest levels of self-disclosure.
The most significant factor of attraction, however, turned out to be proximity. When we lived only a few short minutes from each other, and spent all of our time together, we were both convinced that we were completely in love. We felt as if our relationship was invincible, and it would be forever. As these factors of attraction began to change, however, so did our relationship.
When I left for Cornell, and she left for
Despite our best efforts, the decrease in our proximity, combined with the lack of common ground as a result of no longer being in the same social circle, led our relationship into a downward spiral. We no longer felt the attraction for one another that we once had, and our relationship came to an end.
Wallace’s attraction factors truly form an accurate depiction of how attraction is formed between two individuals. I never would have believed back in high school that anything could have broken apart our relationship, so powerful was our bond- however, when the factors of attraction were no longer present, our passion began to slip away.
6 comments:
I had a somewhat similar experience from high school to college. I agree that proximity and common ground played the biggest role. I am just wondering, how do you think those factors changed when the communication became mediated? I understand how it changed the entirety of the relationship, but I wonder how those were affected by online or phone calls, etc.
Andrew, great blog. Your analysis of Wallace was excellent, hiting every major point and relating them well with your experience. I also began a relationship my senior year and decided to continue dating after I left for Cornell. I liked your description of proximity and how the distance eventually led your relationship "into a downward spiral." The only differece I experienced was the amount of self-disclosure online when I was at college. The distance seemed to allow us to talk about serious issues more easily. However, in the end it did not work out. Overall, you did a fantastic job.
Andrew,
Like you (and apparently many others) I went through a similar experience in the transition from high school to college in terms of my relationship at the time. What was interesting, however, was that my relationship was long distance to begin with, and so the proximity factor theoretically shouldn’t have changed. Unfortunately, I think it did. It’s amazing how busy you find yourself at Cornell, with much less time to talk even in mediated channels. Our intersection frequency inadvertently decreased. Naturally, interests and common ground changed too. After all, I was starting an entirely new way of life at college. I think you did a great job pinpointing proximity and common ground as the main factors here. Nice post; I could definitely relate.
I enjoyed reading your blog and thought you had some great points. Like you, I went to my freshman year of college in a relationship. My boyfriend went to school 6 hours from me and as a freshman with no car, I only saw him when he could come visit me. You made a good connection between proximity and common ground. The farther you are from someone and the less activities or events attend with each other, the less you have in common on a day to day basis. I often found myself on the phone with my boyfriend not having that much to talk about. Also its hard to understand what the other person is actually experiencing just through CMC. Well written!
I can totally understand your experience. Long distance is hard and I've been in one for over one year now. Although the distance enable us from fighting and quarrel, it also enable us to keep something in common. I have been tired to explain my daily life to him and seldom did I have time to listen to his stories.
Seems like many people on our blog had similar experiences from high school to college relationships. I agree with you that the lack of physical proximity and decrease in social common group affect long distance relationships the most. It was interesting how you acknowledged Wallace factors influencing your past relationship despite your intentions.
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