Long distance relationship is tough, especially when we are teenage college students living on the opposite sides of the continent. Of course it wasn't planned that way, but that's how it was. My first serious romantic relationship started at high school prom. We already submitted acceptance letters. I was worrying about infamous Cornell weather while he planned on enjoying the perfect 70's in San Diego. But there were attraction and naivety. We spent the summer together. We thought we were in love and there was nothing better. For the next year and a half we talked starting at 12pm EST and 9pm PST every night. I spent my breaks with him. But it was tough. The most challenging part was we couldn't physically be there to share our lives.
Wallace lists attraction factors including proximity, attractiveness, similarity, humor and self-disclosure. Proximity is determined as intersection frequency. Geographic distance plays less hindrance in interactions. Mediated communication is challenging for romantic partners moving from face-to-face interactions. Talking on the phone and sharing similar network in facebook.com didn't feel fulfilling enough.
"I can't go to sleep, because you didn't say you love me."
"I just wish you could put your arms around me and tell me it's going to be okay."
Similarity is another factor that influenced this relationship. We wanted to pursue same careers. We ate the same cereal. In the beginning we thought "love" made up for cultural/religious differences. His parents didn't agree. Transition from a small Catholic high school students to college students at universities with drastically different environments and groups of friends changed us. Mediated communication methods allowed continuation of relationship despite the geographic distance. However, talking on the phone every night about walking up the slope is not the same as sitting in classes together.
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8 comments:
I thought the description of your relationship was interesting and unique. I really liked how you showed that moving from face to face to computer mediated communication was a harder transition than say if it were the other way around. However, I felt you could have indulged more on how Wallace's attraction factors influenced this relationship. Perhaps if you told us more about how the proximity actually helped to facilitate the relationship that would have been insightful. Also, I am curious to know if you changing from face to face to CMC influenced your relationship at all. Did you find stronger bonds or disclose more information to each other than you would normally? Overall, it was a nice read.
Wow. I completely relate. Long distance relationships are more than just "hard". It is painful.
You state that CMC does not have the same satisfaction as FtF, but is it sufficient to sustain the relationship? Are you two still a couple?
It would have been nice if you could have really developed Wallace's theories to your situation. It seems there are many factors affecting your situation and your ability to develop your relationship.
I completely agree with Sophia how you could have indulged more on how Wallace's attraction factors influenced this relationship. But its true though long distance relationships are very tough. Have you guys ever tried video chatting because I feel as if that’s cmc but also ftf at the same time.
I wonder if this will make your relationship stronger in the end after college. Do you think after being apart for 4 years your encounters with each other will be affected by CMC?
First of all, nice job. I can appreciate the fact that you can confide yourself in the blog and tell us all about your difficult situation. I can completely relate to you as I have had two long-term long-distance relationships in the past four years, and I know how tough it can be on both people. My post was about my lastest relationship, and allow my boyfriend was only three hours away, our limited transportation made it seem like he lived across the country. You did a good job connecting to Wallace's attraction factors to your relationship, but I think you could have definetly gone into more detail about proximity.
I feel as though I was in the same situation as you earlier this year, when my boyfriend of summer and I split ways to return to school and we had to accept that we could only interact through the phone and internet for a month or so before we'd get to meet up in person.
Did the proximity factor actually strengthen the relationship, as in "distance makes the heart grow fonder" or "you want what you can't have"? Did you two ever clash because of your similarities ("like charges repel")?
I know exactly what that is like. I'm also impressed with how open you were with us. You sucessfully incorporated an analyses of Wallace's factors, but I agree with the other comments that you could have gone further into many of them, most specifically proximity.
I think that you did a good job describing your relationship and your distance situation. I would have liked to have seen more of a relation of Wallace's attraction factors to your situation. Did they facilitate your relationship or did the distance hinder the relationsihp? I am very interested, however, in whats going on now? Are you guys still together? How did the CMC vs. the FTF communication work out? Overall, however, I think you did a good job describing the relationship and the theories.
I think you did an excellent job describing your relationship. I loved your quotes of you talking on the phone with him. I also thought it was very interested how you two met FtF and you were forced to sustain a relationship online together, while through CMC it is usually the opposite. Do you feel like most of Wallace's factors still pertained to you, or did you feel you experienced something a little different because you knew eachother and had already established your relationship FtF over the summer before college? This could be something interesting to look into.
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