#11: Mr Perfect is actually Mr Awkward

 It is easy for someone to be cool, witty, and even charming when in an
online chat box. But once you leave virtuality, the person you meet FtF
could be different than you ever imagined! When I was a senior in
highschool, my friend Becca, who lived in another state, had a family
friend’s son who had also been accepted to Cornell; for the purposes of
this blog I will call him Bob. She gave him my screen name and we began
talking regularly, thinking that once we got to Cornell we could be good
friends. After a while of talking we realized we had a lot in common, and
developed stronger feelings for one another. We decided to start a
relationship when we got to school, and in the meantime invited one
another to our senior proms. When I went up to visit Bob for his prom,
however, the funny, confident, and flirty boy I expected to meet up with
was, in reality, boring, uptight, and not very witty.  He was too shy to
hold my hand, he really was not that funny, and when we went out to dinner
we barely had anything to talk about. It was strange that this person, who
I had laughed with and joked with so much online, was suddenly completely
the opposite of how he presented himself to me. It is understandable for
things to have been awkward at first, since we were probably both nervous
to be spending a few days together for the first time FtF, but this
experience was beyond awkward, it was just terrible.
        I think a lot of the reason this experience was so disappointing can be
explained by the Ramirez & Wang article, and to an extent, the
Uncertainty Reduction Theory. This theory states that the more time
people spend talking to one another online, the more information they
gather and there is an increase in intimacy and liking. Bob and I had
gotten to know each other really well online. We had developed lots of
inside jokes and even shared personal stories, helped each other with
problems, and shared secrets. We spoke for a few hours every single day
for weeks and developed a strong liking for one another. URT predicts
that a positive outcome will occur when leaving virtuality. As I already
explained, the opposite happened and I realized that Bob was nothing like
I expected. As explained in the Ramirez & Wang article, the hyperpersonal
perspective explains why things did not work out when Bob and I met in
person. When speaking with Bob online I overanalyzed and over attributed
the limited cues he had given. This led me to develop “heightened
impressions and idealized partner expectation.” When he had made witty
remarks or jokes (that he probably had time to think about), I came to
the conclusion that he was hilarious. When I met him in person we barely
joked around together at all. Based on the comments he said online, I
figured he was a very confident and outgoing person, when in reality he
was very shy and my whole visit was awkward.  As a result, I feel like I
have personal experience to support the paper’s hypothesis that “MS
following a long-term association via CMC will provide social information
that will be evaluated more negatively and uncertainty-provoking relative
to interacting via CMC.”  I had formed such a high opinion of Bob after
talking to him online for months, that when I went up to visit him for
prom I viewed the situation and interaction very negatively. As my
“uncertainty” was reduced I viewed him in a negative light and realized
he was not the boy I had imagined him to be. 
  Needless to say I found a
new prom date for my own prom, and to this day give advice to friends
that if they ever have a crush on someone who seems “so perfect” online
or on facebook...they may want to spend a few hours with Mr. Perfect to
see if he really is as charming as they perceive.

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